Cats in Physics
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Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. |
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Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. |
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Law of Cat Magnetis All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. |
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Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. |
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Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. |
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Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. |
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Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. |
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Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. |
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Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. |
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Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. |
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Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. |
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First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. |
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Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. |
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Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. |
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Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. |
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Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. |
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Law of Bag / Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. |
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Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. |
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Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. |
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Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. |
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Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible. |
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Law of Fluid Displacement A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed. |
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Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. |
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Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. |
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Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter. |
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